Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
