Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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