So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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