your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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