drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
