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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
