You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
