I wish I could punch you in the face.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
