i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
