he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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