So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
