like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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