She is in my trunk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am available for nakedness
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
