A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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