You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
