Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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