I cannot find my penis.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
