Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
