My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
