i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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