ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
