I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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