You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
