i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
