Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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