i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
