oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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