I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
