i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
