i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
