y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
