WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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