I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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