just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How naked do you want me to be?
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