he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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