thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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