i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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