Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
