nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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