I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize