So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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