I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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