I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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