the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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