dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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