Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You are a genius and a whore.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
