Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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