she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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