i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
