I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
