I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
