I have demons in me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
