Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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