I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
