Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize