Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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