she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
