just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
