i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
