i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
