found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
