i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
