Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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