I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
