I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
