Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
