He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
