Heybabeimwearingurpanties
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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