Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize