I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
