I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
