I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
