i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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