I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
