I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
