I smell stomach acid.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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