Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
