she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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