Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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