I just cut my nipple shaving
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
