Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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