??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
