3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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