Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
