it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He kissed a someone with a penis
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize