just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
