Can Purell be used as lube?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
