ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ugly people sure do ruin things
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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