I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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