there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize