There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
