I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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